Practice makes Perfect

I'm still not sure how it happened, but it did.
The date was set, the invitations sent, all the preparations complete.
I was getting married.

I was rather worried, but Hitomi's reading quieted my mind somewhat and I finally picked out a dress to wear to the rehearsal dinner. The rehearsal dinner was... fine, although I don't think I remember anything about the food. But I had forgotten that there was to be dancing afterwards and I had not worn heels, and well, Dryden asked me to dance and I... had to say yes.

I have over the course of my short life so far endured hundreds of Imperial Events, Royal Whosiwhatsits, and other Capitalized Things, and I just sort of hold my breath for a couple of hours and emerge on the other side unchanged.

It was not until Dryden seized my hands in his and looked down at me so warmly and with so much anticipation that I realized that this was not just another Annoying State Occasion, this was till death do us part. And then I was terrified. How did I get here? This can't be happening. But it was.

Once we were out on the floor I said, "We must look silly dancing together. I'm way too short for you."

"You're not too short. I think you're about average for a woman. I'm just freakishly tall."

"But don't you think we look silly together?"

"No."

"I do. Your skirt is longer than mine."

He laughed. "This isn't a skirt. Next you're going to be telling me I look girly in it. I don't."

"Why do you dress like that anyway?"

"Why not?"

"No, really. Why?"

"In pants alone I do look silly. I look like a stork with these long skinny legs. I prefer this style of dress. I feel good in it."

Hard to argue with that. But I sure did seem to be trying. "Oh. Well, how about that silly ponytail? I wore my hair like that when I was a kid."

"I remember. You looked lovely, but you spent no time at all fussing with your hair. You were rather the little tomboy, weren't you. But beautiful."

"Damn, you're good. You've got a response for everything. ...Hey! ...Oh my God! Was that you?"

"Hmm?"

"When I was a kid... Well, it could have been you; he was tall with curly brown hair... I was playing in the garden behind the palace and this boy came over and introduced himself, kissed my hand even. First time anyone ever did that; it made me feel all grown up. I played with him all day. It was great fun. I never saw him again, though. Was I nine? Or ten? The boy would have been about..."

"Sixteen. I was sixteen, barely. You were eleven. My father wished to marry me to you, and he bade me go meet you. And I thought you were charming and I gave my consent and then ...uh, my father sent me away to season me. ...Maybe I should have written, huh?"

Somehow I didn't want to believe this, so I said, " That boy wasn't wearing glasses."

"They were in the breast pocket of my waistcoat."

"I didn't tell you he was wearing a waistcoat, did I?"

"No. Shall I tell you what you were wearing? I remember. A short pink dress, breeches and a toy sword. You didn't even take off the sword for the tea party. And you knew how to sit down with a sword at your hip and how to serve tea. You were so cute! Still are, actually."

"That was really you?"

"You turned my hat upside down and made it into a boat for one of your dolls. Miss Kitty."

"Miss Kit- ...It WAS you!"

"Yes." For some reason Dryden looked utterly delighted.

"I want to see your hair down, like it was then. Take off that bandana."

"You take it off for me."

"Bend down, then."

He bent down a bit and as I reached up to grab the end of his bandana, he placed a kiss on my cheek. Outraged, I let go and said, "What are you doing!"

"If you want to play with my hair, you have to pay the toll." He smiled and winked at me, eyes dancing.

"You're absolutely mercenary, you know that!"

"Mercenary, mercantile, same difference. Pull that out of my hair and you'll get one right on the lips."

"Uh..."

"Surely you're not afraid of a little kiss?" His tone was teasing and I just reacted. I pulled his bandana out and his hair fell about his shoulders.

And so... he kissed me. And I... I turned to wood in his arms. I did not tender my mouth and I did not offer embrace. He tried several times... and I would have none of it.

He pulled away finally and let me go and looked at me and the blood drained from his face. He said flatly, "Thank you for the dance, Millerna. Please excuse me." He snapped his fingers and some courtier rushed up to take his place and walk me off the dance floor. I watched him go, his back straight, his head held high.

He was only playing with me, I thought. It was just a game and I welched on the deal. But still. I can't counterfeit love.

I gained the sanctuary of a private room, but it wasn't private for very long. Allen burst in on me. Sleeve-boy. Just what I needed. I hid my face in my hand. It didn't help.

"Dryden, I can't believe you left her out on the floor like that!...Oh!..um....Are you all right?"

"Fine." I said, but my streaming eyes undermined my usually very good lying skills.

"Um... uh.."

"I seem to have forgotten that everyone cries at weddings, including the groom apparently. If you could spot me a handkerchief, I'd be forever in your debt." She still had my bandana.

"Uh...Sure...Here...um. Can I-"

"-You going to sign over the love she feels for you over to me? No? No, I thought not." Allen sat down on the table next to me. Dammit, he was going to stick around. It was just impossible to cry in front of him, so I stopped.

"You love her, don't you, Dryden."

"Yes." Well, duh.

"I like her... but that's all."

"Then you're an idiot. No offense."

"Maybe... but what do you think would be better for her? I think she deserves someone who loves her."

"...Yeah."

"She only 'loves' me because she's spent a certain amount of time with me. Proximity breeds love and trust. Or sometimes, infatuation."

"I suppose."

"You're a smart guy. You ought to be able to figure something out."

Was Allen trying to cheer me up? How weird. He must be in love with someone other than Millerna. Hmm.

"You ought to at least try," he said.

"I will."

"Think of it as a siege."

"What a thing to say! God in heaven, why does she love you?"

"...You want a beer?"

"Yes."

"You want a bachelor party with a whole lot of beer?"

"Um...You offering?"

"The guys are all out back. C'mon."

I have to admit, four pints will even blunt the pain of sitting next to Allen and make it so that Gadeth's singing sounds pretty good.

The wedding. Well. I was prepared for it to be a bit rough. I was prepared to give her a perfunctory kiss and call it a day. I wasn't prepared when the kiss she gave me lasted so long that it made me tremble. Made the ground tremble, too. I also wasn't prepared when the building fell on me.

Really, the only thing I can say about that wedding is that no one has wedding pictures quite like mine.

"Fire... Eeew!... Fire... Blood... Fire... Oh, gross!... More fire.... Fire again... Carnage... More fire... Still more fire... Good heavens, you've got a real aesthetic appreciation for FIRE, don't you, Adrian! I don't see ANY kissage here!"

"Well... uh... well... That was when the Zaibach guymelefs appeared, and... uh..."

"Adrian, are you telling me you CHOSE to record some flaming guymelefs rather than my wedding kiss?"

"Uh... er... well..."

"Oh, Adrian, this is so apropos. You're fired. Get out."

We were married in spring. The war raged all through the summer, and as Prince Regent, I was kept very busy. Millerna spent her days and her nights helping out in the shelters and hospitals. I hardly ever saw her, except when she dropped by to give me painkillers for my injuries. She never kissed me again, she rarely spoke to me, and she certainly never came to my bed.

It was a warm fall evening, although I was cold, when I returned the ring to her. The truth is that when I left the room, I was hoping that she'd come running after me. I had thought she had seemed ...unhappy when I said I was leaving, and so I stood outside in the hall for several minutes. I would have traded my life for another kiss from her, but she didn't come out after me, and so I went back to my family home to visit with my parents for a while before I headed back out to restart my long-neglected business.

Next: Chapter Six