Chapter Four
Nervous in the Service
Life shrinks or expands
in proportion to one's courage.
~Anais Nin

I stopped by the mailroom before I walked up to the boys dorms. Dryden was out in the hall with Gadeth, his floor's Resident Advisor, who was pulling chaperone duty while Dryden talked to a girl.

The girl was provocatively dressed, insistent and familiar. Tansy, Dryden's cousin. "Think how much money we would make!" she said.

"I'm thinking we would be sued for creating a monopoly in every industry we touched. Think years of annoying lawsuits, think assassination attempts, think never having any peace!"

"Aaaaaw!"

Dryden wriggled away from her. "I don't think so. Not that you're not a lovely girl, but we are too much alike. And we're cousins!"

"Oho! You've got bigger plans, eh?"

"No way! I-"

"-Uh-huh. If you're throwing me over, it goddamn better be for a princess," said Tansy.

Gadeth looked back and forth from Tansy to Dryden, clearly loving chaperone duty today.

"Er... Riiiiight," said Dryden.

"So how many favors can I call in when you're King?"

"Tansy! Sheesh! Will you leave off already?!"

Tansy sighed discontentedly. "Cousin, I do believe you led me on."

"Uh... Did I? Ooopsie. So sorry."

"Alas, indeed" She reached up and patted him on the cheek. "See you around, kid."

Dryden, Gadeth and I watched her rear rotate its way down the long hall. "You said no to that? Are you sure you're not gay?" asked Gadeth.

"Do you think they practice walking like that or does it just come natural?" I said.

"Yeah, yeah, my cousin's gorgeous. Big whoop," said Dryden sourly.

Gadeth leaned over and whispered, "You should have kissed her goodbye at least. A big wet one. She would have done it."

Dryden bit his lip. "Fucking hell. You're right."

Tansy waved at us from the end of the hall and then disappeared around the corner. Gadeth smirked. "Too late now. Maybe next time."

"Aaaagh!" Dryden pulled me into his room and shut the door on Gadeth's grin. "So how was your day?" he said.

"You don't like her, huh."

"No, no, she's a great girl. Brilliant, ambitious, rich... dangerous as a basket full of snakes, but yeah, a great girl. She'll be helleva tough business competition later, but that's better than marrying her. Oi. C'mon! Tell me something that's not about girls. Anything. Please!"

"Uh, well... I got my estate tax bill today. Ugh. It'll take my next paycheck just to take a bite out of the interest!"

Dryden raised his eyebrow at me. "You pay your estate tax out of your Caeli stipend? That's weird."

"Is it?" I said, suddenly wishing I hadn't brought up something as personal as my finances with Dryden.

"What do the Schezar estates look like that they can't pay a little land tax? Blackened hills sprinkled with salt?"

It had been over a year since I'd been home, but last I remembered was golden fields... I shook my head.

"May I see that for a minute?" he asked. Oh, what the hell. I handed Dryden the crisp linen pages. He read through them and frowned. "Would you mind if I showed this to my mother?" he asked.

"Your mother?" I said, confused.

He didn't explain, he just hauled me down to Meiden's offices. There was a woman sitting on the floor in front of Meiden's barrister bookcases going through some very boring-looking indexes.

"Hi, Ma! This is Allen Schezar. Allen, this is my mom, Lady Fassa. Take a look at this, Ma." And he shoved the papers into her hands. Dryden's mom raised her eyebrow at him in a familiar-seeming gesture, but she took the pages and flipped through them. She froze at the last page, then flipped through them again and started screaming with delight.

"I thought so," said Dryden, smiling.

"Where did you get this evidence?" she squealed.

"It's mine," I said. "What's going on? Do I not have to pay?"

"Your steward and accountants have been embezzling all your money. We'll get it back for you. You will let me borrow this, right? Oh, oh, oh! This is going to be so much fun!"

"They have? You will?" I suddenly thought of my mother, grieving, distraught, ill, half-heartedly managing the Schezar estate...An easy mark. Oh, lovely. How long has this been going on? And- "Hey! You mean, I went through all that crap as a dirt-poor bandit, went to war with Balgus, and became a Caeli and all for nothing!"

"Look on the bright side," said Lady Fassa, still poring over my papers, her evidence, "If you hadn't become a Caeli, you would have remained a simple, decadently rich, overdressed git. This way you're a rich, overdressed git with a skill!"

Whoa. Talk about candid! "I suppose that's one way of looking at it," I said.

"Maaaaaaaaaa!" said Dryden, mortally embarrassed,

"What? Oh, I'm so happy! I know these people. They've been getting away with this for years, and all for lack of a nail! Now I am going to nail their asses to the floor! Search warrants! Subpoenas!" she said and she cackled madly.

Meiden sidled up behind his wife and put his hand over her mouth. "Time to stop talking, dear." He looked at us. "Why don't you let us handle this for a bit. We'll get back to you."

Dryden and I left. I stared at him. "Both your parents are lawyers. Figures," I said.

He shrugged. "Yeah. When Ma does come up to the palace, it's not to hang out with the ladies of the court."

"No, really? I'd never guess!"

Dryden ducked his head and looked away. I threw my arm around him. "Hey. Thanks, buddy."

He looked back up at me and grinned. "No problem," he said.




For once, Dryden and I were early to the dance studio. Eries was there ahead of us. She was dancing a couple's figure dance alone, as if she had an invisible partner. The only sound was the swish of her slippers on the parquet. Her eyes were shut. She had no idea we were there. Every step was precise and yet full of power.

And perfect...

As usual, Dryden ruined the moment by talking. "Wow!" he said.

Eries heard him and stopped dancing -nooo!- and turned to look at us. "Oh. It's you." She sounded rather irritated.

Dryden stepped forward and grabbed her hand. "Greetings, fairest princess in the land! It's such an honour to dance with you today!"

Eries scowled at him. "That's what you said last time and I didn't believe it then, either. You're really crappy at this, you know."

"See! See!" said Dryden, looking at me. "After dealing with this every week, asking any other girl to dance isn't just easy, it's a relief. Just for that, Princess, I'm holding you to the bargain anyway. One dance. What shall we do today? Something fast or slow?"

"Fast," hissed Eries. "Let's get this over with."

Dryden tripped through a quick figure with Eries, then relinquished her to me and read my textbook for a bit before he left to go to my lecture for me as usual.

Eries was relieved when he left. "I don't know why you hang out with him. He's awful," she said.

"No. He's not. ...uh" Would she understand if I told her that it was because of Dryden that I was out of debt and could pay for the repairs on my guymelef, my family inheritance. Would she care? "You'll just have to take my word for it."

Her eyes reflected green leaves and blue sky back at me. "All right," she said, "I will." And she took my hand and followed my lead into another allemande.


*

*

*


The thin sound of a girl crying travelled up the empty hall, pulled my soul out of my body and tethered it to the shifting grounds of my half-eroded memories.

I can never predict this, it doesn't always happen, but sometimes something happens and I'm gone. It doesn't make sense, they are all long dead and my old problems have been replaced with fresh ones... It never makes sense. ...Why am I here again?

I couldn't move, couldn't speak, until Dryden pinched my elbow, which pulled me back into the present, and we peeked past the column into the alcove. It was Eries.

"Uh-oh. Engagement fall through again?" asked Dryden.

Eries didn't seem to be at all angry to have been found crying. "Ye-eh-es!" she wailed, "If they know up front that I'm half cat, then they're all disappointed when they meet me and I'm not some feline sex goddess! If we wait to tell them, then they freak out once they know my pedigree! No one will ever marry me!"

I gingerly sat next to her when Dryden threw himself down on the bench and put his arm around her. He said, "Your being half cat makes no difference at all. You're a beautiful princess and the cat bits just make you more interesting. I'd marry you in a minute."

"Well, if I'm so wonderful, why wouldn't he marry me?" whined Eries.

"Maybe he's more of a dog person?" I suggested tentatively.

Eries shot me a look at that and collapsed into giggles. Dryden grinned at me over her head. "C'mon, Eries, " he said, "If the bigots from Basram can't appreciate you, you know that us Asturian men will."

He pulled back the curtain of her hair and kissed her cheek. She laughed and turned her head away from him - towards me. Dryden raised his eyebrows and jerked his chin towards Eries. Okay. What the hell. I leaned forward and kissed her other cheek. She giggled more and blushed.

Then she jumped up and wiped at her face. "You two are both terrible, awful liars. But, thanks." She smiled at us ruefully. "I suppose I should go tell Marlene the news. Maybe see you all at dinner?" She gave us a real smile then and she was off, running lightly down the hall.

Dryden threw his arm around me. "'Maybe he's a dog person.' That was brilliant, buddy!"

"I'm just glad she quit crying. I hate crying women," I said.

"Aaaaw, no!" said Dryden, "A crying woman is an opportunity you shouldn't pass up!"

What a nutball! "You think?"

"Oh, I'm sure! We got kisses and she got cheered up. I see no bad here, do you?"

...Hmm. "I guess..."




Marlene jumped when I walked into her quarters.
She was crying. Again.

"Why are you crying? Was Mahad here? Did something happen?" I asked.

She brushed her tears away and attempted to smile. "No, he was fine. I'm fine." She wasn't lying. She wasn't telling the truth, either. And I knew that no matter how much I tried to talk to her, she wasn't going to tell me the truth.

I hate that.




I knocked on the door to Meiden's offices. Dryden appeared and shoved little Van and Merle out the door to me. "Take them and enjoy. This is the second day in a row I've gotten stuck with the fireball and the hairball."

"Hairball, eh?" I said, looking at Merle.

"Uh... I mean... Such a pretty little thing, I bet she'll grow up into an elegant and gorgeous catgirl," he said and he looked me up and down like I was a fancy dessert.

"Not gonna work, ya suck-up."

"Oh," he said, and he instantly turned off the smarm. "Well, you can't blame a guy for trying."

Yah. "Seeya, Dryden."

"Seeya, Eries."

He shut the door and I turned to take the kids away, but then I heard Allen's voice from behind the door. "Hey! I thought you were letting me have Eries!"

"I gave you my dance card; I did not give you exclusive flirting rights in the palace. So stuff it, Allen."

"Oh, yeah!" said Allen.

"Yeah!" said Dryden, right back at him.

"Well, she doesn't like it when you flirt with her anyway."

"Yes, she does!"

"No, she doesn't. She called you a suck-up."

"Coming from her, that is term of endearment," said Dryden airily.

"No, it's not!" said Allen.

"Yes, it is!" Dryden insisted.

I laughed aloud then and they both subsided into silence. Oops! I wiped the idiot grin off my face and hurried down the gallery with Merle in my arms and Van running before me.

It's very unprincessy to eavesdrop. I really should stop doing it.




I was walking through the side gallery when- Hey, deja vu!

What is this, Eries's Royal Crying Alcove?

I poked my head around the column. It wasn't Eries. It was her sister, Marlene. I'd spoken to Marlene a few times, but I didn't really know her, and I had no idea what to say to her now. But she looked really upset. I thought of Dryden. A crying woman is an opportunity you shouldn't pass up...

Hey, knightly duty and all that! She looked at me with huge luminous violet eyes. I sat down next to her and put my arms around her. Do all princesses use the same soap? She smells just like Eries.

I kissed her then. I meant to kiss her on the cheek as I had Eries, but Marlene moved towards me and my lips grazed hers. I was going to beg her pardon then, but she kissed me back, desperately, full on the mouth. Whoa, I wasn't expecting this! Her hands clutched at me, skittering over me like wild birds, pulling apart my uniform.

It was only then that I realized that Dryden might know some things about girls, but he knew nothing about women. He'd never been alone with a woman without a chaperone and he'd never told me when or how to say no...

Oh, no...





Next: Chapter Five