Dear reader, I was going for a PG-13 rating for this story.
Alas, this chapter seemed to veer a bit R. Can't be helped really.
I'll try to clean up my act for later chapters. ;)

Chapter Five
Water to Whine
I've been rich and I've been poor,
I've been sick and well and at wit's end,
But all I've ever really needed,
Is just one real true friend.



I turned my options over in my head, but there really was no choice and I had to tell someone about Marlene or implode. My classmates and acquaintances would just spread the gossip. I couldn't tell the other Caeli knights; they wouldn't rat on me, but they'd think I was an idiot. And there was no way I could ever tell Eries... eeeeg!

I found Dryden reading a book over breakfast in the refectory. How did I end up with such a geeky friend? And this is all his fault anyway! He's the only one I know who's smart enough to keep his mouth shut, though. He looked up when I walked over. "Hi, Allen!" he said.

It was early yet, there weren't many people up, we had plenty of privacy. I sat down next to him. "Um....I gotta tell you something," I said. And then, in fits and starts, I gave him a fractured account of how I'd found Marlene in the alcove the day before and how she'd pulled my clothes off and... and... and...

Dryden definitely believed my story. His eyes were wide and admiring. "Wow. That is amazing!"

I buried my head in my hands. "No! Aaaaaaaagh! I don't know why I thought you'd understand!"

"Erm...I apologize if I'm not being properly sympathetic, but... sheesh, Allen! I'd give my right arm to get me some princess booty. Why exactly am I supposed to feel sorry for you now?"

Eh? "You mean you did before?" I asked.

"Duh. No." He looked at me questioningly. "Tell me again. ...Marlene liked it right?"

"Um... I... don't know. It was weird. And ALL her idea."

Dryden seemed confused. "Oh. ...So....it didn't feel good?"

"I ...guess it did. Sorta." She scared me.

He put his hand on my shoulder. "Well, don't get so upset; I'm sure it'll be better next time."

"What next time?! She's gone! Married! Left this morning for the Fried ceremony." Yay, she's gone! Thank God!

"Well, next time with some other girl, right? Marlene was just having a bit of an adventure before she got married. Don't worry about it."

I looked up at him. "...You think?"

"Sure! File it under Well, wasn't that interesting, stop worrying your pretty yellow head, and go back to your monk-like existence. Or not. Whatever."

I don't think Dryden really understood what I was trying to tell him, but it was a relief to have told him anyway. And he didn't seem to think any different of me, which was reassuring.

"Soooo?" Dryden looked into my face hopefully.

"What?"

"Was it fun?" he asked.

"Was what fun?"

"Oh, come on. Suppose you tried it with a nice girl who wasn't freaking out over something. Would it be fun then?"

"Probably. How the hell would I know?" I said bitterly.

"Allen! Please!"

I relented and told him what he wanted to hear. "Okay, okay. It's fun. ...You'll love it."

"Really?" he said.

"Yeah. Eat your bread and water, you doofus."

Dryden looked down at his toast and tea. "I can't. I'm too excited! Oh, boy!" He clasped his hands together and looked upwards with adoring enthusiastic speculation. He's such an idiot. I laughed, as he intended. He grinned at me. "Don't worry. It will be okay," he said.

I smiled weakly back at him. Dryden is always an optimist, but he's not always right.




When Allen and Dryden walked into the studio, I yelled "BOO!" from my perch on top of the door. I do so love watching people jump out of their skins.

It's a trick I've played on Dryden before and he was not surprised but Allen's eyes were as big as saucers. I jumped down to the floor and put my shoes back on.

"You should be more ladylike!'" said Allen and he scowled at me and stalked silently off to set up the record player. He didn't even crack a smile!

"What is his problem?" I asked Dryden.

"I really couldn't say. He seems to have stuff on his mind."

Really couldn't say? That's not at all the same as I don't know. "Well, he's being an absolute maggot!"

Dryden looked over at Allen with concern in his eyes. "Go easy on him, Eries. I think being a Caeli is more difficult than it looks."

I was outraged. "And being a Princess is all sweetness and light? At least I don't throw snarkus fits like-"

Dryden was desperately trying not to laugh in my face. ...Oh. I do throw fits... I crossed my arms and huffed, "Shut up, Dryden."




I was getting ready for bed when someone knocked on my door. It was Dryden with his books in his hands and his pillow under his arm. "Hi," he said.

"Hi..." I said, looking at the pillow. Eh?

"Um... Could you put me up for the night? They're throwing a keg party on my floor and I've got two exams tomorrow morning."

Oh, right. School. The only thing in the world Dryden takes seriously. "Why didn't you tell your RA? Isn't he real strict about that kind of thing?"

"Yeah, he was real strict before he was old enough to indulge. Gadeth's the one throwing the party. He's finally old enough to buy alcohol and, boy, did he ever! All his friends are just so happy for him. Not to mention twice my size. I'm not gonna ask them to pipe down again!" He gave me a pleading look. "C'mon, Allen! If I don't get at least 5 hours tonight, I'll never make it through the second exam. It's gonna have 6 essay questions on it. Pleeeeeeeeze? I'll sleep on the floor and be out of your way before 7 am."

I already knew what my answer was going to be, but I said, "Well, I dunno. Do you snore?"

"...er... Well..."

"Did I ever tell you that all the guys who snored in Balgus's army bought the farm in the middle of the night? The sound attracted arrows. Neat, huh?"

"...er... Izzat right?" Dryden looked rather hurt. "I guess I'll try the library then. I've noticed some nice soft-looking patches of marble in there."

He turned to go. I seized him by the collar and hauled him backwards. "Get in here."

"Oh, man! Thanks! I really mean it!"

I made him a bed out of two little rugs, my coat and an extra blanket. It didn't look all that comfortable to me, but he seemed very happy with it. And he did snore a bit.

The streetlight reflected off the white-washed ceiling and picked out the curve of his ear, the line of his neck and slender shoulder.
...He feels very, very skinny. But pretty.

"...'lln?" he said.

I snatched my hand away from him. "Nothing," I said. "Good night."

He fell back asleep instantly. He didn't snore all that loud, either.
Arrow would have just grazed him.




Dryden and Eries were waiting for me in front of the university refectory, fondly known to the students as the Rat Factory. "So what's on the menu tonight?" I asked.

"Triangles. I mean 'fish'" said Dryden.

"Now, now," said Eries. "I'm sure that shaped industrial food paste is actually made from food."

Dryden looked at her. "Ya think? I dunno why you come slumming down here to eat this shit, Eries."

"It's the scintillating company. Well, at least you all don't think it's fun to dissect a roast chicken as you eat it."

"Little sister getting weirder?" I said.

"If that's possible. Somehow I'd rather eat industrial food paste than listen to Millerna name each muscle group as I put it in my mouth. And don't even get me started on what she says about vegetables!"

"Hehe! Does she really do that?" asked Dryden.

Eries nodded. "She really does. Marlene thinks it's just a phase. We can only hope."

Perhaps I froze or turned pale at the mention of Marlene's name, but Dryden picked up the conversation again and Eries didn't notice.

When I focused again on my two friends, they were deep in discussion. I turned back and forth trying to catch the nuances of the conversation ping-ponging before me. Eries had taken the same military strategy class last year that Dryden was now taking for me, and they were talking about how well some of those techniques would apply to political strategy. I listened to them discuss a pincer movement in some speech by someone I didn't know...How the hell can you have a pincer movement in a speech?....I think I'm going to have to go catch up in this class...

I suppose I really ought to be happy that my two best friends in the world finally like each other. I must just have a nasty suspicious nature. I'll have to work on that.

He is flirting with her. Just friends, my sweet ass!

Why do I care? It's not like I deserve her after what I...




For weeks after the Marlene incident Allen was apathetic, quiet and morose. Eries went so far as to pull me aside one day and ask me if Allen still liked her. "Yes!" I said. "Absolutely! He's just ...got stuff on his mind."

When I wouldn't tell her what was on his mind, she said, "Well, you're his best friend. DO something!"

I took that Royal Command seriously. The next time I saw Allen, I told him, "You should come home with me for the holiday break."

"I can't. I have to collect my guymelef for next term."

"If I help you, that will take you about half a day. I insist," I said.

He shrugged listlessly. "Okay."

Well, that was easy enough.

I arranged for one of my Dad's airships to come pick up the Schezarade and when the term ended, I went with Allen to the Schezar estates. I was very glad Allen wasn't staying there for the duration of our holiday. Allen looked bleakly around his empty house. Most of the rooms were closed off and what little furniture was left was covered in sheets. "Erm...well," I said, "You can buy new furniture and stuff later. Where's your guymelef."

"In the garage," he said and he led me out the kitchen door and up a garden path. I could see this enormous garage off in the distance.

There were two smallish wolfgirls playing in the garden. "Hi!" said one of them. "Are you the client?"

"Uh....yeah," said Allen, looking bemused.

The little wolfgirl took a deep breath and bellowed, "MUM! CLIENTS ARE HERE!!!" There was a distant whoop and a rattle. The garage doors started cranking open.

"You hired wolf-people?" I said. "I'm impressed. I had no idea you had such a social conscience."

Allen leaned close and hissed in my ear. "Balgus recommended them. He said they were good. He didn't tell me they had puppies! I bet they dug holes everywhere!"

Four furry ears pointed straight up at that. "We're good puppies! We only dug one hole! A very small one!"

"Yeah. Just a very small one!" I said and laughed.

Allen looked at the little girls suspiciously. "What else have you been up to?"

They indicated their pulltoy proudly. "We made ducks. We're old enough to use the circular saw now!"

"Er...right. Very nice. Carry on," said Allen and he strode past them like the lord of the manor that I suppose he actually was now. Hehehe! The puppies and I trailed after him and we watched him enter the garage.

The garage was vast and shadowy. Wolves jumped off the oil drums lined up against the wall and climbed down off the gantries. The pack assembled in front of a tarp-covered guymelef . The Alpha wolf -who was easy to pick out; she had a big red A embroidered on the front of her overalls- pulled the tarps off and Allen ran forward. "Woohoo! Look, they waxed it and everything!" he said.

The Alpha wolf pointed out the rusted hip rotater the team had replaced, listed the many parts that they had been unable to order and had built from scratch instead, and then stepped back. Allen scrambled all over the guymelef and looked at everything and practically drooled. Then he called me over to have a peek.

I followed Allen around as he taught me the difference between a custom handbuilt classic guymelef and the assemblyline-built junkers that the army contracts out to the lowest bidder. I had never been that close to a guymelef and Allen was an enthusiastic and fascinating tour guide. Maybe I should read up on this; it's just as nifty as he thinks it is...

Finally he got inside, shut the hatch and attempted to walk the thing onto the transport ship. His first steps were staggering and jerky, but then he seemed to get the hang of it.
Allen was sweatsoaked and grinning like a fool when he emerged from the guymelef. The crew of the transport ship tied it down securely and took off with it. Allen went to talk with the Alpha female and the rest of the wolf pack They grinned toothily back at him. Then they packed up their toolboxes, moved them over to the hangar and started work on the Schezar airship, the Crusade.




Life is pretty slow at my parents house, so I thought I'd take Allen fishing. He'd never been fishing. He twitched when I handed him a worm. "Since when did you become a hick?" he asked.

"Just try it, eh? It's very relaxing," I said.

"How? This is so gross! You puncture worms every vacation?"

"Puncturing worms is not the point."

"There's a point? I feel so sorry for it," he said.

"Since when did you become a vegetarian? What did you do when you were a bandit? Kill and eat gross nasty things you found in the woods, right?'

Allen grinned. "Actually it was mostly stolen picnic lunches."

I pulled my best fishing pole out of his hands. Clearly it was wasted on him. "Fine. Here, read my comic book." I shoved it at him.

He flipped through it. "This plot is stupid. I can't believe you read stuff like this."

There is just no pleasing some people. "Aw, maaaaan! Haven't you ever heard of a willing sense of disbelief? Science fiction is fun." I baited my hook and cast out. Here fishy, fishy, fishy.

Allen frowned at my comic book. "But they're travelling between universes with the aid of some kind of alien doodad. It's stuuuuupid."

"Shut up, will ya. You're scaring the fish," I said.

Allen laughed. "You are telling me to be quiet? Oh, that's rich."

"Shhh!"

He laughed again and turned another page. I cast out my line again.

And again. And again. I need to come back with some stronger line. The damn fish bit through my line and ate all my hooks and all my bait and we went home empty-handed, but the day wasn't a total loss. Allen did read all of that comic book and then he asked if he could read my back-issues. And then he started reading the parts he liked aloud, complete with monster sound effects. Hehehe! Finally! When Allen isn't moping around, he's a real fun guy.




Dryden's mom went back to the city to see Meiden and we were left at the house all alone except for a few servants. We decided to amuse ourselves by thoroughly exploring the extensive Fassa liquor cabinets. It was fun at first but it turned out to be a bad idea.

Dryden eventually dragged himself out of the bathroom and fell over on the bottom bunk. "Ooooog. When Dad told me never to mix beer, wine and hard liquor, I thought he meant because it was gauche, not because it'd kill you!"

"I dunno. This would be a pretty gauche way to die. Here, drink some water." I held out a glass to him. Dryden turned his nose up at it. "Suit yourself," I said, "I drank mine. I didn't bivouac with a drunken army without learning a couple of useful tricks, you know."

"Oh," said Dryden and he drank the water down. "Let's not do this again, huh?"

"Good plan," I said. I climbed unsteadily up into the top bunk and fell into uneasy dreams.

Balgus was there and my guymelef and some dogs and then there was just Princess Marlene. She had detached my head from my body and she was carefully painting my eyes a different shade of blue. "Hey, where's the rest of me? What are you doing? Stop that!" I said.

"Sssh," she said."It was the wrong shade. I like this colour."

"No!" I said because it hurt, but she didn't listen and everything slowly faded to blue, a shade I didn't like, that did not match my eyes.

Shaking, I jumped out of the dream and out of bed and almost broke my neck. Oh, this is why no one likes the top bunk. Well, Dryden had offered me the bottom one, I'd just not taken it.

I sat on the edge of his bed and looked at him. He was sleeping peacefully with his arm draped over a ratty old stuffed toy sea dragon. No nightmares here. I wish I had Dryden's dreams; they look pretty good. I wish I had Dryden's parents, too. They're weird, but they're happy.

I wish I had lots of things about him. He's innocent as I am no longer, but he's not naive as I was till too late. I wish I'd been so lucky. I wish I could steal that luck from him. I wish I could steal that first kiss back.

Would he wake up if I did that? Maybe he would throw me out of his room. ...Maybe he would kiss me back. I wonder... if I pulled that toy out of his arms and took its place, would he welcome me?

He reeks like a distillery. He's skinny and gangly and utterly geeky and I would like nothing better than to crawl into bed with him, wrap his toothpick arms around me, kiss him and maybe snake my arm down between our bodies and squeeze us together in one hand.

I could do it. He's so drunk he probably wouldn't even remember anything in the morning.

I wish I couldn't remember anything...

...I won't touch him though.
Honourable Caeli Knights don't do shit like that.

God. I definitely don't deserve Eries...

I leaped up and ran to be sick in the bathroom.





Next: Chapter Six